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About Varied / Hobbyist Official Beta Tester Sgt_Kiss_Me26/Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 10 Years
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Depressed...and tired.

Wed Nov 25, 2015, 5:12 AM

So...I've been finding myself getting deeper and deeper into depression. Mainly because I want to "release" my creativity to the world, but unable to do so. I feel, so confined. 
My job requires me to rein in my creativity. It is also so stressful, that on my days off, all I want to do is mope around and watch t.v. Its getting so that I no longer play videogames anymore. And I love playing games. I play them for a little while. Then I get mentally tired and stop.

I'm just so....mentally wiped out. Its a factory job. Its not a hard job either.  But I end up having to work with the laziest, stupidest, slowest, self-entitled, douche-baggy people on earth. Its just getting so tiring having to work with crappy people all the time. (It doesn't help that I am not a people person to begin with.) 

Ack...I just...feel so mentally exhausted.
And I can feel that I'm loosing myself because of it. The only thing really keeping me together is my meager attempt at photography. I have soo many projects that I wanna get done, but can't because I just feel too tired to do 'em.

I hate this. I really do.

"Why don't you get another job?" People ask me.
Because I am not one that handles change very well. New situations stress me out soo much that I start crying.
That and I refuse, absolutely refuse, to work at fast-food chains and restaurants. One there's people, two-people, three-low wages, four-people, and five-dead end jobs.

Sometimes, I wish all of this crap would just stop. But no, it just keeps on a trucking along.

In the last 2 years, I have gained 40 pounds. All because of this stress. When I'm stressed, I eat more sweets. Especially chocolates. Before, I used to rarely eat chocolate because I didn't "feel" like eating them. But I have to restrain myself everytime I see one. Do you know how hard it is to keep your hands off of chocolate? Yeah...its hard.

On a different note, my birthday is on the 27th. Not happy that it's on black friday. I hate black friday with a passion.
I'm also(this might seem selfish and one of those "boo-hoo" poor baby moments)worried that my family has forgotten my birthday. Although my parents deny it, they favor my younger brother. Always have, always will. Never missed his birthday. They have forgotten my birthday a few times. Especially if I don't remind them. And this year, I haven't reminded them. For one, I don't know what I want. Two, they never really get me what I want, (Which is usually art supplies like beads and paint and all that jazz.)and three, because I just wanted to see if they would actually remember.
Because of their missing my b-days, I have actually made it my personal mission to never miss theirs. Not once have I forgotten theirs, and by-gonnit I'm not going to start now. I know what it feels like to have people forget your own birthday, and so I don't want them to feel that way. younger brother now has a girlfriend. I feel so lonely. TT_TT  He got a girlfriend before I could get a boyfriend. TT_TT

So yeah...thats what I'm "dealing" with in my life.

  • Mood: Lonely
  • Listening to: Various kpop artists, like SJ and such...
  • Reading: Nothing.
  • Watching: Nothing.
  • Playing: I hate Candy Crush...*glares at screen*
  • Eating: Humus
  • Drinking: A colleague of mine owes me a gallon of milk.


Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
Current Residence: In books and stories...
deviantWEAR sizing preference: I eat candy everyday..I ain't gonna be skinny...
Print preference: Medium and matte.
Favourite genre of music: Mostly jazz but I like everything else too
Favourite photographer: My dad and I.
Favourite style of art: Chinese paintings, grungie stuff, manga, and the Baroque style
Operating System: Anything I can get my hands on.
MP3 player of choice: iPOD all the way!! WHOO!
Shell of choice: twisted and cheesy
Wallpaper of choice: A smexy half naked Sesshoumaru
Skin of choice: Well..since I like yours...I could tear it off...
Favourite cartoon character: Sesshoumaru, Bugs Bunny, Scooby-Doo!!
Personal Quote: Be yourself 'cause everybody else is taken.


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eProductSales Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2015  Professional Artisan Crafter
Thanks for the Favorite on the Gabriel Wings, glad you like our Art! :)
wolvesrevolution Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2015
Thanks for the watch! :hug: 
Bortbyting Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much for adding me to your watchlist! ^_^
HowManyDragons Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014
Hey, thanks so much for the watch! :heart:
Crash-Box Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome.
xiShadowWolfx Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thankyou kindly for the +Watch and :+fav:
I really appreciate your support. :aww:
DW Doctor + Amy Hug Stamp by TwilightProwler
Crash-Box Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. Nice stamp. :)
Joker-laugh Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Many thanks for the watch :)
Thalliumfire Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2013  Student Digital Artist
i thank you very much for the watch : ] i appreciate it
have a wonderful christmas
Crash-Box Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome! You have a great New Year.
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