Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
About Varied / Hobbyist Premium Member Sgt_Kiss_Me24/Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 9 Years
12 Month Premium Membership
Statistics 79 Deviations 873 Comments 26,961 Pageviews

Newest Deviations


Flash Player 8 is required to view SitBack. Get the latest version of Flash Player.

Favourites

Groups

Wishlist

Visitors

deviantID

Crash-Box
Sgt_Kiss_Me
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
Current Residence: In books and stories...
deviantWEAR sizing preference: I eat candy everyday..I ain't gonna be skinny...
Print preference: Medium and matte.
Favourite genre of music: Mostly jazz but I like everything else too
Favourite photographer: My dad and I.
Favourite style of art: Chinese paintings, grungie stuff, manga, and the Baroque style
Operating System: Newest Dell laptop baby!!!
MP3 player of choice: iPOD all the way!! WHOO!
Shell of choice: twisted and cheesy
Wallpaper of choice: A smexy half naked Sesshoumaru
Skin of choice: Well..since I like yours...I could tear it off...
Favourite cartoon character: Sesshoumaru, Bugs Bunny, Scooby-Doo!!
Personal Quote: Be yourself 'cause everybody else is taken.
Interests

*sigh*

Journal Entry: Sat Sep 14, 2013, 8:24 PM


Ugh...I'm still alive. Just doing nothing as usual. I haven't posted anything in a while...and I should

I'm just...in this constant state of laziness and procrastination towards my art. I wanna do something, but can't.

I think its mainly because when I look at my partially done art, I don't want to continue and see them ruined. I would draw part of something, I'd like how its going, but stop because I'm afraid that I'll mess it up. So they never get finished. I know I should just finish them, just to see that they really aren't horrible. I know that if I do mess up I can do them over...but...I just...I can never get over that hump of actually finishing them. I even tell myself when I start something that I will finish it this time. But as always it never gets to that point.

I've moved to a trailer home, living by myself now. I just got a new kitty. I call her Meimei(maymay) I love her sooo much. She can't really replace my previous cat's place, but she has done a pretty good job on filling up most of the hole that Kitty(previous cat's name, I know, its really original XP ) left in my heart.

Even though I love the freedom, I still miss being with my family. After living with them for 23 yrs, I've become really close. We may fight and such, but I still love them. I new it wasn't going to be easy living without them. I noticed that on my first trip to camp. I was only going to be away from my family for a week at camp, I still had missed them.

I've been depressed very often, ever since the fire. And now I'm feeling lonely. Very lonely. Meimei is great, but she can't talk to me like a human can.
And I would like a boyfriend. Which makes me fell even lonelier, because I'm not a fashion model, and it seems like guys nowadays prefer that type of women.

I get told often by people that its better to not have boyfriends and to deal with all that. But, humans by nature have always been...social and we will always seek just that one person to be with till we die. We need that comfort of somebody growing old with us, I need that comfort. I would like to experience what other woman have felt when being hugged by their man, being comforted, protected, and all of that stuff.
"But, they'll probably rip your heart out by cheating on you or whatever" So? Almost everybody goes through with that, its not one of those things that just can't happen. Its how people handle those situations, that determines the future of that individual. I'm not saying I want heartbreak, but I do want to experience other "couple-y" things.

Thats also the reason why I'm not creating much art.

The third reason: I'm not creating my art, is I'm not motivated. Self motivation can only go sooo far. And this also goes hand to hand with the loneliness thing. I don't get to talk to people who are artistic like me. My colleagues at work are not creative, and I'm socially awkward enough to not go to the local bar on my own, and I'm the only one in my family that is artistic(sure they do quilting, but thats on rare occasions). (there is only soo much deviantart and all those places can do, I don't have much art, so I can't do anything on these places anyway.) So I'm not getting that motivation vibe from anybody. That makes me feel even more lonely. I want to talk to people, but no one around where I live is as artistic/computer game loving/weird type of a person like me.

Ugh!
I feel soo hopeless. And I hate being soo depressed. It makes me feel very very selfish, and I hate being even more selfish than I already am.

And I don't want to go to work tomorrow. 12 hours of painful torture. One thing I like about work sometimes, is that when I'm doing something that allows me to think but still be busy with my hands, I can think of soooo many creative ideas. Thats why I want to stay there, even though the pain in my back, knees, and feet never stops, I still have those creative ideas.

I may not have motivation, but I'm never out of inspiration. Heeeeey....thats a pretty good line for a t-shirt or something. Nobody use it! I claim it! >__<

At least I still have my weird sense of humor. XD

*sigh*
I have to go to bed now, I have to get up at five for work. At least I can look at pictures of Donghae, Kyuhyun, So Ji Sub(he is soooooo handsome, and love his voice *faints* ) and sooo many other Korean/Taiwanese/Japanese people. (Sorry, if there is any Chinese pop groups, I don't know them, can't find them on youtube...are they on youtube? Are they allowed? I don't know...I'm not informed enough on Chinese..er...stuff........do they have pop music? Or is their music more on the ballad side. I like ballads....you'll have to excuse my ignorance. I should stop adding more to this...seriously...stop!)
Lol, I make myself laugh sometimes.

Chow fer now.


  • Mood: Lonely
  • Listening to: Various kpop artists, like SJ and such...
  • Reading: Nothing.
  • Watching: Nothing.
  • Playing: I hate Candy Crush...*glares at screen*
  • Eating: Humus
  • Drinking: A colleague of mine owes me a gallon of milk.

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconhowmanydragons:
HowManyDragons Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014
Hey, thanks so much for the watch! :heart:
Reply
:iconcrash-box:
Crash-Box Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconxishadowwolfx:
xiShadowWolfx Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thankyou kindly for the +Watch and :+fav:
I really appreciate your support. :aww:
DW Doctor + Amy Hug Stamp by TwilightProwler
Reply
:iconcrash-box:
Crash-Box Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. Nice stamp. :)
Reply
:iconjoker-laugh:
Joker-laugh Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Many thanks for the watch :)
Reply
:iconthalliumfire:
Thalliumfire Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2013  Student Digital Artist
i thank you very much for the watch : ] i appreciate it
have a wonderful christmas
Reply
:iconcrash-box:
Crash-Box Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome! You have a great New Year.
Reply
:iconthalliumfire:
Thalliumfire Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2013  Student Digital Artist
oh thanks! same to you!
Reply
:iconwibbledile:
wibbledile Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013
Thanks for the :+devwatch: :hug:
Reply
:iconnileyjoyrus14:
NileyJoyrus14 Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconthxwatchplz: :iconsaranghaeplz:
Reply
Add a Comment: