Crash-Box's avatar

Crash-Box

Sgt_Kiss_Me
148 Watchers348 Deviations
39.9K
Pageviews

13th year

3 min read

I've been working at Quad Graphics for 13 years now.

And I recently realized why my life this past year had been so....chaotic. Its the curse of the number 13.


So back in May/June, my dad had covaids. Since I had visited him before I knew that he had it, I had to go into quarantine. No big deal.


At the end of September, at the beginning of my shift at work, I had gotten injured. A deep laceration on my ankle. Nearly missing my tendon by a couple of centimeters. Had to have 6 stitches. Could barely walk. It took 3 months for the wound to heal. But the back side of my ankle is still sore. The swelling finally went down by the beginning of February. I'm guessing that even though nothing was broken, something was really bruised. Apparently, deep wounds like that are supposed to be kept on the moist side. I had two doctors tell me to keep it dry and air it out most of the time. THUS, the wound actually opened up! Can you hear my eyeroll? I kept it bandaged after that. I have a big scar now, mayhap, it could have been smaller if I had kept it bandaged up?!

MENTAL NOTE, don't get your tendon area injured.


Then in December, my whole family, including myself had gotten covaids. I was sick for 2 weeks. Since Quad doesn't pay for sick leave, or for covaid sick leave, I had to put in for unemployment. I was denied. I appealed...was denied again. All because there was a single trick question. I'm gonna have to contact employee services or something.


BECAUSE I was denied unemployment, and because of the holiday season, when I had gotten better I didn't get much work time. As a result, I couldn't pay lot rent. And the mobile home park, that likes to act like its a gated community, that I live in is NOT lenient. Miss one month, and they evict.

So now I'm living with my parents.

And I quit Quad, cause I'm just...basically its getting harder and harder to go get out of bed for that place.

I'm getting a job as a trucker, so that'll be fun...and scary. Quad was my first and only job, so getting into a new one is proving a little difficult.


I just hope that this year will turn out better. Who knows, maybe I'll become less depressed and actually take photos and just do any art again. Ya'll can thank Quad for sucking away my soul.

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

Nice

1 min read

+So....2 weeks ago my dad tested positive for covid. And because I had visited my family before I knew he was sick, I ended up being in quarantine for 2 weeks. I did test for it, and my results are negative. My dad is feeling better today, so thats good.


Aside from the worry of my dad's health, I would have to say that my depression has actually lessened. And I think its because I was away from work. I think I mentally needed a break from work and just, people in general. I'm gonna consider this as an unplanned vacation. Sure, I stayed in my house for most of the time, but it was relaxing. The only downside is...I'm completely broke. Oh well.

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

Severe

2 min read

So....my severe depression has gotten worse lately. Been seeing a therapist, until covaids hit that is. Started taking meds. My doc, keeps telling me to go back to seeing my therapist. Problem with that is, she left, so now I have to see someone else. And with my severe social anxiety, the thought of seeing someone new is distressing.


I'm at a point right now...were I want to do art, I want to create, but I just....don't feel like doing it. I know, doesn't really make sense. Thats just how I feel. I feel.....like laying in bed and day dreaming all day, everyday. But I also feel like creating something, anything.


All of this is pretty frustrating.

Hence why I'm writing this journal.

I'm frustrated, with everything, especially myself. I'm also exhausted. But don't worry, I'm not the type of person to inflict the pain that suicide would produce. I know, that my family would be devastated, which is not a pain I want to inflict upon them. I bring this up, because most people assume that when someone is this depressed, they go for suicide.


Not this gurl.


I'm a flippin fighter, I won't give up that easily.



Anyway....thats all that has been happening in my life right now.


Be safe and healthy people.

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

Huzzah

1 min read

So...obviously I haven't posted anything in a while.

Last year during the summer time I had decided to go from 12 hr 3-4 day work weeks, to 8 hr 5 day work weeks, night shift.

As a result I couldn't take as many photos as I'd like.

This summer, there was a job opening in my work place, a promotion of sorts. It required me to go back to the 12 hr 3-4 day work weeks. I miss working nights...

Sadly though, because I'm independent, live alone, and have three cats that act like children, I've had to put in a lot of over time.

I've become rather burned out.

And I'm debating on stepping down from that new job position.

Anyway, there were a few opportunities to take photos.

One of which is a Ghost concert, that my younger brother and I went to. I'm pretty happy with the few photos I took of them.

Anyway that life right now.

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In



So...I've been finding myself getting deeper and deeper into depression. Mainly because I want to "release" my creativity to the world, but unable to do so. I feel, so confined. 
My job requires me to rein in my creativity. It is also so stressful, that on my days off, all I want to do is mope around and watch t.v. Its getting so that I no longer play videogames anymore. And I love playing games. I play them for a little while. Then I get mentally tired and stop.

I'm just so....mentally wiped out. Its a factory job. Its not a hard job either.  But I end up having to work with the laziest, stupidest, slowest, self-entitled, douche-baggy people on earth. Its just getting so tiring having to work with crappy people all the time. (It doesn't help that I am not a people person to begin with.) 

Ack...I just...feel so mentally exhausted.
And I can feel that I'm loosing myself because of it. The only thing really keeping me together is my meager attempt at photography. I have soo many projects that I wanna get done, but can't because I just feel too tired to do 'em.

I hate this. I really do.

"Why don't you get another job?" People ask me.
Because I am not one that handles change very well. New situations stress me out soo much that I start crying.
That and I refuse, absolutely refuse, to work at fast-food chains and restaurants. One there's people, two-people, three-low wages, four-people, and five-dead end jobs.

Sometimes, I wish all of this crap would just stop. But no, it just keeps on a trucking along.

In the last 2 years, I have gained 40 pounds. All because of this stress. When I'm stressed, I eat more sweets. Especially chocolates. Before, I used to rarely eat chocolate because I didn't "feel" like eating them. But now...now I have to restrain myself everytime I see one. Do you know how hard it is to keep your hands off of chocolate? Yeah...its hard.


On a different note, my birthday is on the 27th. Not happy that it's on black friday. I hate black friday with a passion.
I'm also(this might seem selfish and one of those "boo-hoo" poor baby moments)worried that my family has forgotten my birthday. Although my parents deny it, they favor my younger brother. Always have, always will. Never missed his birthday. They have forgotten my birthday a few times. Especially if I don't remind them. And this year, I haven't reminded them. For one, I don't know what I want. Two, they never really get me what I want, (Which is usually art supplies like beads and paint and all that jazz.)and three, because I just wanted to see if they would actually remember.
Because of their missing my b-days, I have actually made it my personal mission to never miss theirs. Not once have I forgotten theirs, and by-gonnit I'm not going to start now. I know what it feels like to have people forget your own birthday, and so I don't want them to feel that way.

Also...my younger brother now has a girlfriend. I feel so lonely. TT_TT  He got a girlfriend before I could get a boyfriend. TT_TT

So yeah...thats what I'm "dealing" with in my life.

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Featured

Depressed...and tired. by Crash-Box, journal

DeviantArtist Questionnaire by Crash-Box, journal

Relieved and Happy by Crash-Box, journal

*sigh* by Crash-Box, journal

Ugh... by Crash-Box, journal